Pensive tumbled jumble of thoughts.

Why are we here? Life. What is it all about?? Do we have a purpose? Love. I am searching for love. I want to find it. Desperately. Will i ever find it? I have serious doubts on the matter. I hate being a girl. I have becoming all excited about something so insignificant. But then i love it. Being able to become so giddily happy at a moments notice. But getting your hopes up, and having them dashed hurts. I am afraid. Of letting someone in. Of hurting someone again. I didn't mean to hurt so many people. I don't want to do it again. I can't bring myself to. That is why i don't take chances, let many people in. I have never had a broken heart, but i have broken many. I think its worse this way. Being responsible for someones heart ache, it hurts. Deep inside. I think i am secure with who i am, but am i really? Do i know who i am? I do. But why do i second guess my worth? I am worth something. Why do i second guess that? I think i have ADD. And be bipolar. Bipolar. Rosie is bipolar. Is it possible to live half your life in a high? Do you want me? I don't want to get my hopes up and think that you do, and i get mad when people get me thinking that you do, because i get excited. I don't want to be excited for nothing again. Maybe there is a chance? But then again, maybe there is a chance that you'll go back to her. Not me. Her. And i would be alright with that. I always am. I wanna scream the unfairness. But i am always alright with it. Maybe i should value my own happiness a little more. But i like living in other peoples happiness. I don't hurt anyone. I want to feel it. Is it real this time? I think it may be. Sometimes i wish i could become undesirable to my guy friends so that we could just be friends. Stop liking me. I'm not that special of a person. It ruins things. I think it is real. I hope so.

Song of the moment: The Shining by Badly Drawn Boy