Story Time With Benny.

I like cookies but do you know what i like better? Monkies.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I bought 200.
I like monkies.

I took 200 monkies home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching each other in the genitals. I laughed. Then they punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt to their environment too well. They would screech, hurl themselves off the couch into the wall at high speeds.
Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour. Two hours later i found out why they were so inexpensive; they died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room. On the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked i had to 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.Then i had one wet dead monkey and 199 dead monkeys.

I tried to pretend they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while. That is until they started to decompose. It started to smell really bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and i didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrased.

I tried to slow the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so i had to change them every thirty seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did i know my bed was flammable. I tried to extinguish the fire. Then i had one dead, wet monkey, 2 frozen monkeys, and 197 dead charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.

The odour wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my dead monkeys and to use my bathroom. I severly beat one of the monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwning them away but the garbage man told me that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told them i had a wet one. He wouldn't take that one either.

I gave them out at halloween. No one knew quite what to say. They pretended that they liked them but i could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So i punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys. The End.